we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
