woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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