i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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