Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
