i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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