why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
