My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize