Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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