I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
