I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
