I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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