Just fell off a train. Bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
