She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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