Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
