ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
