it wasn't lemon gatorade
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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