Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
