Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
