my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
