There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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