Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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