just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
