I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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