i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
