Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
