Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
