So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
