that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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