he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
