if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
