i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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