I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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