Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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