I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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