Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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