How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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