Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
