i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
