the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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