Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
