why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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