just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
