I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
