I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
