I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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