Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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