I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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