I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
