Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
