I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
