You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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