oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
