I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
