Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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