So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
