meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
