And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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