Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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