Im at strip club and am horny
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
