We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize