dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
