Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
