she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
