question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize