I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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