O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
