arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have aggressive nipples.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
