sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
