My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it hurts more in the daytime
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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