I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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